|Posted on May 15, 2018 at 4:40 PM||comments (1)|
Sometimes it feels like life is spinning out of control, and it’s all beyond your reach.
Is that your reality though? Is there something you can control?
THINGS THAT YOU CONTROL:
1. Your thoughts
2. Your words
3. Your responses
4. Your choices
5. Whether or not you take care of yourself
6. What you say to yourself (“Stupid, lame, sick, awesome, brilliant, trying…”)
It’s normal to seek a degree of control when your life is going through a chaotic, or stormy, time. The part where you get tripped up is when you try to control other people or outcomes. You may influence them, but you don’t control them. When you acknowledge that, you can focus on things you can control, and then you’ll see action!
|Posted on April 27, 2017 at 12:50 AM||comments (0)|
“How we see it is how it will be.” (Anonymous)
We most often suffer more from what we FEAR than what actually HAPPENS, so it’s important for you to learn how to evaluate what you are thinking. Things always look less fearful when we face them head on vs. running or distracting ourselves into TV, alcohol, food, or work.
Spend some time asking yourself these questions:*
1. What is the situation that I’m stressed or worried about?
2. What am I THINKING or IMAGINING?
3. How much do I believe that thought? A little? A lot? Or give a percentage
4. How does that thought MAKE ME FEEL? (assign a feeling)
5. How STRONG is that feeling? A little? A lot? Or give a percentage
6. What makes me think the thought is true?
7. What makes me think the thought is NOT true or not COMPLETELY true?
8. What’s another way to look at this situation?
9. What’s the worst that could happen?
10. Could I still live through that?
11. What’s the BEST that could happen?
12. What will PROBABLY happen?
13. What WILL happen if I keep telling myself the same thought?
14. What COULD happen if I changed or challenged my thinking?
15. What would I tell my friend _________________ if this happened to him/her?
16. What should I do now?
17. How much do I believe that negative thought now? A little? A lot? Or give a percentage
18. How strong is my negative FEELING now? A little? A lot? Or give a percentage.
Remember: you are not alone! I am here for you to evaluate and explore these fears and help you learn new ways of thinking and seeing your life.,
*from the work of J.S. Beck
|Posted on September 4, 2016 at 3:05 PM||comments (0)|
It was placed on my heart to put together a curriculum for teen girls, so that teen girls would have a safe, judgment-free zone to go each week to discuss the many challenges and pressures that come with being female. Us older ladies know a thing or two about the unique challenges that come with being a woman, but what about the challenges of being an adolescent female in this day and age? I have counseled numerous teen girls and they each talk about one common challenge: "PRESSURE." Pressure to fit in, to be popular, to be thin, to have skinny thighs, to have a clear complexion, to get good grades, to be wanted and desired by the opposite sex, to please their parents, or to figure out what exactly they want to do with the rest of their lives. Are you feeling pressured just reading about all the pressure? Before I get to the encouraging and exciting news about our upcoming teen girls group at Reveille Counseling Ministry, I thought I would share some staggering statistics on today's teen girls.
Brace yourselves, it's disheartening... The statistics show that:
- 7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with family and friends.
-81% of 10-year-old girls in the U.S. are afraid of being fat.
-6 out of 10 girls opt out of important activities because they’re worried about the way they look. (And these are HEALTHY, productive activities such as: social events, attending school, joining extracurricular activities)
-92% of teen girls would like to change something about the way they look, with body weight ranking the highest.
-74% of girls say they are under pressure to please everyone. (Girls Inc, The Supergirl Dilemma)
-98% of girls feel there is an immense pressure from external sources to look a certain way. (National Report on Self Esteem)
-1 in 4 girls today fall into a clinical diagnosis – depression, eating disorders, cutting, and other mental/emotional disorders. On top of these, many more report being constantly anxious, sleep deprived, and under significant pressure. (The Triple Bind, Steven Hinshaw)
That last statitstic is so important to read again. One in four girls fall into a clinicial diagnosis of depression, cutting, eating disorders, anxiety, etc. When you look around and think that one out of four girls are likely secretly battling one of these issues, it can serve as a call to action!
THIS is why I am starting a group for teen girls. It's a space for young women to glean some wisdom from someone who is a little older, wiser, but who has also lived in the same mean-girl, comparison-driven world as them. It's a group for young women to find (or redirect) where they place their self-worth, to build their confidence, to be content and fulfilled with who God created them to be, to learn about healthy dating relationships, so that one day they can be prepared for a healthy marital relationship in their future.
#LoveYourSELFie is a confidential group for girls ages 14-19 starting October 13th, and will last for 4 weeks. It's going to be life-giving, wisdom filled, validating, and encouraging. My hope is that your young daughter, niece, or friend would grow into wise, confident, discerning, young woman. This group will be a tool to help them with just that.
Christina Milazzo, MA. RMHCI
Registration needed to reserve your seat.
386-243-7356 or [email protected]
|Posted on July 6, 2016 at 5:25 PM||comments (0)|
A helpful tip when feeling anxious is to challenge your thinking. Often, our thoughts affect how we feel and contribute to anxiety symptoms.
Three questions are helpful in challenging your thinking:
1. Where is the evidence for this belief?
2. Is there any other way of looking at the situation?
3. Is the situation as bad as it seems?
Join us for our 6 week Anxiety Group beginning August 3rd to learn additional ways you can manage your anxiety.
Christina Milazzo, RMHCI
|Posted on April 8, 2016 at 12:05 AM||comments (0)|
1. Protect the children. Children have a deep psychological need to think well of BOTH parents. Avoid letting them hear you put down or say bad things about the other parent, regardless of how justified you feel in saying these things.
2. Depend on the experts. Well- meaning friends and family will give you legal and psychological advice; that’s not a good source. Thank them for their concern and move on.
3. Avoid other drastic life changes. Make your life as stable as possible right now. Try to keep sleeping and eating on a schedule. See your doctor and/or counselor immediately if these are disrupted for more than 3 weeks or so-depression and anxiety may take hold if basic needs are ignored.
4. Take a Divorce Parenting class as soon as possible. When I taught this class, the comment I heard most often was, “why didn’t someone tell me to take this sooner?” You will find help and support there. Ask your attorney for more information.
5. Maintain professionalism at work. It is natural for your focus to be disrupted, but strictly limit the amount of time you spend on email or conversation about your divorce.
6. Lay it down sometimes. Take a break and play with your kids. Go see a funny movie. Let your mind rest. If the worries persist, promise yourself you will go back to worrying about the issues later that day, then return to the fun.
7. Limit contact with your ex-spouse. You are not obligated to endure any conversations that your attorney does not require of you. Make your contact brief and limited only to necessary details of custody issues.
8. Observe your breathing. Under stress, our breathing often becomes shallow. This leads our muscles to tense up and puts the whole body on constant alert. Put a sticker or an object around your workplace and use it as a reminder to breathe deeply.
9. Stand up for yourself. It’s time to say “I need, I feel” or “no, I can’t do that.” Maybe this is new behavior for you. A counselor who has been specifically trained in this can teach you how to detach and communicate in a civil manner that protects the dignity and rights of both parties.
10. Finally, remember: this WILL pass. You are currently experiencing one of the hardest life experiences there is. Keep your focus firmly on the hope of a peaceful outcome and take care of yourself in the meantime.
By Laurie Wren, LCSW, Founder & Director of Reveille Counseling
|Posted on December 2, 2015 at 3:20 PM||comments (0)|
1. Choose one holiday activity that’s the most important to you this year. Then ask each family member (Immediate family ONLY) to do the same. This year choose to do just those activities. Can’t narrow it down to one? Ok, then chose one thing to opt out of this year. (Yes, you really can say no to that awkward party.)
2. Do something for someone else…use your imagination. This could mean leaving a potted plant by someone’s doorstep, feeding the homeless, or just smiling at people as you hold the door open for them. Actually a smile and even an ounce of calm can be contagious.
3. Schedule yourself some unscheduled time each week. It never falls in our laps. We have to be purposeful to find it. Do not fill it up with odds and ends or those errands you didn’t have time to run. Guard it as your time to rejuvenate and refresh. By doing this you will enjoy life more, as well as have more to give to the ones you care about.
4. Decide what it is that you are celebrating. Then celebrate that with purpose!
|Posted on June 24, 2015 at 11:10 AM||comments (0)|
Here are some suggestions for making your therapeutic experience the best possible:
1) Be totally honest. Believe me, I've heard every story. The human condition contains basic elements that exist in all problems presented, and you're not going to shock me, nor am I going to disapprove of you!
2) Be open to new ways of thinking. Although you are free to examine, use, or discard any suggestions I may make, remember that behavior change is required for growth. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."
3) Understand the difference in professional therapy and "talking to a friend." A minimum of five1/2 years of college, two of them in human behavior, is required to legally practice as a counselor. We are also required to get several thousand hours of internship experience and supervision before being licensed.
4) Expect some resistance from family or friends. Change, even good change, can be threatening, and comes with a price. Your relationships will change because your world changes when YOU change. There will be people in your life who resist this, who want you to "stay in your box." It is indeed necessary to rock the boat for things to ultimately improve.
5) Do your homework. The true change of the therapy experience only takes place outside of the office, as you test the new ideas I give you and report the results back to me.
6) Journal, journal, and journal some more. The research is compelling: journaling continues the therapeutic progress outside of the session, releases tension, and moves you forward faster. Bullet-point journaling works well too.
7) Attend as regularly and as often as possible. It's also smart to come in occasionally after therapy has ended if you sense a downturn in mood or thinking.
Be patient with yourself. It took you a lifetime to develop these thinking patterns; it will take more than a session or two to change them!
9) Make notes after the session. Ideally, schedule enough free time after your therapy to go somewhere and process what came up.
10) Take responsibility for the session. Notice during the week what bothers you, excites you, what insights come up in your journaling that need to be explored further. Bring this information to session.
|Posted on January 27, 2015 at 2:40 PM||comments (0)|
1. Use a calm voice
2. Be direct and respectful
3. Avoid sarcasm
4. Use “I need” rather than “you should”
5. Ask for clarification if you need to
6. Take deep breaths
7. Call a time out if needed
8. Don’t assume they “just know”
9. Don’t use “you never” or “you always”
10. Take your problems to a licensed therapist if you find yourselves in the same arguments over and over, if names are being called, or there is any hint of violence.
|Posted on November 18, 2014 at 2:35 PM||comments (0)|
What do you feel when you hear someone say, “Before we know it, the holidays will be here!" A surge of excitement? Or a knot in your stomach followed by rapid breathing?
If you're like most people, it may be a bit of both.
Either way you feel, holidays often cause both distress and "eustress", which is actually good stress, but pressure all the same.
Often we feel we have no control over situations, and that leaves us somewhere between uncomfortable to anxiety-ridden. Let’s take a look at what you can control.
1. Avoid spending, eating, and drinking too much. Remorse never adds to our joy.
2. Ask yourself what is it you need more of during the holidays. Time alone to recharge? More time with your kids? More contact with the people who find the best in you? More exercise? Weave these into your holiday planning. Boundary-setting begins with knowing your needs, and knowing what you have to give.
3. Remember who you're dealing with. You will become frustrated every year when Uncle Hal drinks too much and criticizes your taste in spouses. Rather than expect him to change this year, make a gracious proactive plan of how you’d like to deal with him this year to avoid the scenes. It’s always good to have a Plan B.
4. Set your priorities. I have yet to meet the person who attended every party, Christmas play, tree lighting, caroling, with time left over for baking, shopping, wrapping gifts, reflection, and hanging out with their family. Don’t set yourself up to fail! Take charge of your success by making a list of what is most important to you. Then cut that list in half. Then eliminate one more thing. Ask each family member what one activity means the most to them, and be sure to include it.
5. Adjust your expectations. Holidays carry a child-like fantasy, which is fun, but it simply can't be matched in reality. No family is perfect, so no celebration will be seamless, totally joy-filled and anxiety-free. It’s OK if dinner is late, the gift you give doesn’t fit, the dog jumps on the guests, and the rum spills. Try to view it through the lens of humor...why not?
6. Have you lost someone close to you this year? Are you alone, or lonely? Though you may not feel like it, consider reaching out to 1 or 2 safe people in your life, even if it’s just a phone call. Surround yourself with that which raises your spirits. Read a good book. Start a project. Cry. Find a Grief Share or Loss Recovery group. Remember that the Holidays accentuate your feelings of loss. Be gentle with you.
7. Be an “invisible angel”. Make a bed for a family member, take in your neighbor’s trash can, leave a potted plant at someone’s doorstep…anonymously.
8. Try to look for the best in everyone. You will be amazed how empowering that can be!
9. Look outward and consider volunteering. Nothing will so guarantee you joy as helping others. Holidays are a time rife with these opportunities.
10. Try to keep the Main Thing the main thing. Life is short!